Am I ever going to find love? This is a question we hear all the time. Yes, I know this sounds so cliché. Kind of like I just signed up to be on The Bachelor and this is my new catchphrase. But think about the truth behind this…every girl asks herself this question. We wrestle with this lie from the enemy all the time. In all transparency, it’s a daily struggle for me. It’s not just the question of finding love, but the doubt and the insecurities that we start speaking over ourselves.
I’m 26 years old. Yes, I am still very young and have a lot of life to live, by no means do I actually think I’m “old,” but sometimes life and the things happening around me make me feel old. We all make a plan for our life. A plan that is probably molded after the life of someone close to you. For me, it’s my mom. My parents were married in their early 20’s, mom had babies pretty quick, and we had a great life. So that was my plan.
By 22 I’ll be married. Me and my oh so perfect husband will have our first baby around 25; this gives us three years, give or take, to travel and enjoy marriage. Then, we will raise a beautiful family and live a great life.
That’s the simple plan I had for myself, but let me tell you where I’m at right now. Like I said earlier, I’m 26 years old. I teach at a great school and I live with one of my best friends. I’m a few months out of a long relationship and I still have some things to overcome in order to become whole before I can bring someone new into my life. I am one of the only ones out of my friend group that is single, and I’m watching all of my friends start the life I thought I would have.
Sitting back and seeing “your” life play out in front of you when you’re not the one living it is really hard. Like really, really hard. This is when I find myself asking God that question, Am I ever going to find love? And for the first time, I felt like I was able to hear Him speak so clearly. I was driving home from a fun evening with my friend, listening to worship music, and thinking about the plan I had for myself. I’m a big list girl and a big visual girl so I was imagining the “to-do list” that goes along with my plan, and thinking to myself, “Paige, you literally can’t cross anything off…” That’s when I began to ask the popular question, “Am I ever going to find love?,” to which God said, “You already have.” With this answer to my number one FAQ, I was overwhelmed with peace and so much understanding. It was a true “Ah-ha!” moment for me.
I dream of this beautiful life with my super handsome husband and our beautiful kids. I’ve had these desires in my heart for as long as I can remember because God put them there. That means it’s not wrong of me to want these things or even to think about these things. And that’s where I find peace…God gave me these desires so He will see them through. He will bring me blessings far greater than I could ever dream.
Am I ever going to find love?
Yes! I have found the love I am looking for in Christ.
My mind was a little blown as I was thinking about this. I am confident that I will have a husband who loves me and I will have children who love me, but they still will never be able to love me as much as God does. Hang tight with me for a minute; I really want you to grasp this because it’s pretty incredible. Think about someone you love more than anything…now, multiply that love by 100, and that love by 100, and that love by 100, and so on…that is how much God loves us. Actually, God loves us even more than that! He loves us with an overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love. A love so great that He sent his Son to die for us.
God gives us desires and He wants to see us live an abundant life full of things that will bring us joy, but He must come first. True joy is rooted in Christ. This means the joy we long for and think will come from another person can only come from a true, intimate relationship with God.
It is so easy to feel like you are falling further, and further behind as you watch the lives of those around you. It is so easy to start questioning yourself, doubting yourself, and seeking attention from anyone that will give it to you. But something that is so amazing is that God is right beside you, always. He is reaching out saying, “Come to Me. Walk with Me. Seek Me. Love ME.” The moment you surrender the desires of your heart to Him and fully trust that He has a beautiful plan for your life is the moment that heavy question is lifted.
There’s a song called Seasons by Hillsong that has really been impacting me lately. The whole song is amazing, but there’s one part that sticks out to me as I surrender my plans and walk in obedience to where God is leading me. The lyrics say…
Then if You’re not done working
God I’m not done waiting
I hear this and I am in awe. That’s so simple, yet so profound. If God is not done working in my life, then I am not done waiting.
God is a good Father who wants the very best for His children. Knowing who God is, I know the things to come will be amazing. The God of all creation has a special plan for my life. He wants to bless me abundantly. He is looking at me…one person, one plan, one life. He is thinking about what’s best for me, Paige Lattimer. He knows what I’ve experienced in relationships, He knows the desires of my heart, and He knows where I’m at right now. He wants to meet me where I am in this season of life, grow me, and prepare me for the blessings He already has in store. So yes, I wonder and I think about my future, but I can rest in the peace of knowing Who my Father is and I will wait.
**Meet Paige. Paige is a single gal living in Houston, TX. Paige is a 20something-year-old teacher that loves quoting The Office and eating way too many m&m’s! I have had the privilege of knowing Paige and I get to call her a friend. I’m so excited to have her here and stay tuned for more of Paige’s story. Meanwhile, you can follow Paige here.