Well, I tried my very best to get this post out yesterday. But the day just flew by, and one thing after another other kept coming up.
I have worked full-time outside the house with Jadyn and now work from home. And oh man, what I would sometimes give to work outside the home. Working at home with kids is nearly impossible. Something that could take 10 minutes takes close to an hour, no joke! Jordan can even testify to this, he has worked from home and still does sometimes, and as much as he loves being around us, I know he can’t get much done.
Now, I know I can’t complain because we do have great kids. The boys are so sweet, loving, and silly. But they are boys! They fight every 2 minutes, they climb on things, they break things, and you know, do boy things. I also feel like I am constantly wiping someone’s butt. #boymom
Working from home is a very hard challenge. Finding a balance is hard. I feel like something is always suffering. It’s hard to draw the line, and unless I stick to a schedule (which is so hard with kids) things go crazy very quickly.
I’m such a perfectionist too that I continually beat myself down about the silliest thing. My type A personality along with my obsessive to do list is honestly wearing me down.
This mama needs a time out.
I need a time out and need to let go, of a lot. The last few weeks God has been speaking to me oh so clear on what needs to be let go. And let me tell ya, it has not been pretty. Discipline and correction aren’t comfortable. But I know it’s necessary.
I’ve started reading a book by Gari Meacham. What she said in her book has stood out to me so much, and it’s been even more of a confirmation of what I have been going through as of lately…
“Somewhere between perfection and indulgence lies the outline of grace. Grace is both the permission not to be perfect and the invitation to leave self-gratification behind. Discipline blooms when we live in this gracious balance.”
My mistake was (and still is) is that I have been looking for the wrong kind of balance. I believe we can, and should be able to find balance, but it’s the right kind of balance. That’s where grace comes in.
My hope in sharing this tonight, or early morning, is that if you’re like me, struggling to find balance, I pray and hope that you find grace. Not that you only find grace, but that you welcome it with open arms.
Grace for yourself.
Because when we truly receive grace, we truly live free.
Photos by Julia Gozman
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