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This post will be a little different, because I want to be able to be real with y’all and write what’s heavy on my heart. We can call learn and grow together. I have now been a wife for 7 years and a mom for 2 years and still yet to have life figured out. I don’t think I really ever will.
A few days ago I asked a friend who has two older boys, if it gets any easier? Her response was not what I really wanted to hear. I wanted her to say “yes, everything gets easier”. We texted back and forth for a little but something weighed heavy on my heart. I had told her with all my “To Do’s” I felt like I was drowning in them. The stupid list doesn’t ever go away?! Am I the only one that feels like that? I just want to burn my to do list!!
To be honest, I have cried more times than I would like to admit in my years of being a mom because there is just so much to do and it NEVER ENDS. Once you finally get through the pile of laundry, 2 HOURS LATER, it’s halfway full, like seriously?! (side note: I have seriously debated on letting my family go naked, because at one point I was fed up with all the laundry) My thinking for a while was if I could just get a chef, a maid, and a personal assistant, then I would be good and life would be better. But who I am kidding, I don’t have that kind of money, and that’s just silly.
I’m type A personality – and with how I was raised, my dad was very much get it done, and get it done NOW. Don’t waste time, if you see something that needs to be done, roll up your sleeves and do it. I was engraved with that in my mind, every. single. day. of. my. life. So for me it’s as if I don’t get my something done on my to do list that day, I feel like a failure, like I didn’t do what was supposed to be done.
I have been reading a book called “Hands Free Mama” (which I REALLY recommend, such a good book) and this book has been a huge eye opener, in so many ways. But one thing that has struck me is to pay attention to what really matters – which are the people around me. I have been doing a lot of praying and seeking for God to help me be more present, and to enjoy the now.
Then, it dawned on me, does this stupid little to do list even matter? More than half of the stuff on the list doesn’t, other than paying the water bill because, duh we need water. Or, what if something doesn’t get done right this second? My kids need me now, I could be missing a precious moment because I’m wrapped up on my to do list. A lot of the times my to do list actually is what is driving me crazy.
So, I have taken a bold step, I’m burning my to do list. – actually not really BUT, I have made up my mind that I will write down only what is really pressing, and what really needs my attention. I’m also learning to not beat myself up because something didn’t get done that day, and that there will be another day to do it. I’m choosing to spend my energy on what really matters.
P.S. Have you seen “I Don’t Know How She Does It”? I promise you that I do the same thing every night mentally writing myself ‘the list’. How horrible right?