The Beauty (and struggles) of Motherhood

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Motherhood is one of the greatest, yet hardest jobs out there.

Lets get real for a second. My life may seem perfect, and I may only display pretty pictures, but who wants to see the ugly and craziness all the time? I know I don’t, over time that would get depressing. My life is not perfect, I have struggles, and lots of them! My biggest struggle of all is the guilt and the trials that comes along with motherhood.

I have been given such a big responsibility to take care of my boys, and to make sure they become kingdom minded men. Thoughts like; am I doing it right? Am I taking the right approach when it comes to discipline? How do I make sure that while I discipline I am not also crushing their spirit and who they are.

So where is all this coming from? Well, we have been having an ongoing battle here at the house. Jadyn is potty trained, so we removed the child lock from the door thinking that if he needs to go potty he can. The boys have always shared bedrooms, and have always done fine…until now. We have had our trials along the way with Jadyn climbing out of his crib and into Colin’s crib to sleep together (how sweet right?!). When Colin started walking we immediately put both of them in toddler beds, because we knew Jadyn would teach Colin how to climb out of the crib, and we wanted to avoid them getting hurt at all cost. So fast forward to a few months both boys are still sleeping in one of the toddler bed or, in weird places like the recliner that’s in their room or even worse, the floor.

We finally decided that we should buy an actual bed for the boys. We went bought them a small framed bed from IKEA and painted it for them. So fast forward to last week when Jordan was gone and I was alone with the boys. They woke up almost every day at 4:30am. Yes, 4:30 am!!! One morning I got lucky and they woke up at 7:30am.

Last night was horrible for us, Jordan and I were so tired, that as soon as we put the boys down (around 8:40pm) we went to bed. We thought the boys fell asleep which is why we went to sleep. Sure enough 2 hours later both boys are downstairs in the living room playing. Jordan puts them back in bed, and tells them to stay in bed. 12:30am I wake up and hear the boys downstairs AGAIN. This time I flip (momster came out) and yell at them and put them to bed. I also had to stay outside their bedroom door to actually make sure that they fall asleep. 6:30am rolls around and both Jadyn and Colin are awake. Colin ends up falling back asleep while Jadyn stays awake.

Do you see where I am going here? Motherhood is exhausting. Just about everyday I am telling them that hitting your brother is not how you play, or that they can’t play with the stove (how lame am I right?!). Most days I feel like they don’t listen until the momster comes out. Thoughts like am I doing anything right comes out and haunts me everyday. Like as if them not sleeping is somehow my lack of not parenting- so lame I know.

My hands are full, no doubt about it! My boys have enough energy for the whole family and then some. But so is my heart. I have my motherhood struggles everyday. The enemy fills my mind with doubt, fear, and the feelings of inadequacy.

But as tough as motherhood may be, at the end of every day I am reminded how incredibly blessed I am. And even though I may want to bang my head on the wall because of my two little bunny energizers, I am so grateful for the sweet moments, their tender spirit, and their lovable personalities- that makes my heart burst with joy!

I’ll end off with this quote in which I think is so true:
“Motherhood is a choice you make everyday, to put someone else’s happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you’re not sure what the right thing is… and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong.” – Donna Ball

So what are some of your motherhood struggles? How do you deal with them?

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Photog by Loren Ferguson

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  • The mom guilt is alive and well at my house too. I struggle with not giving my oldest two enough attention. I feel like I am constantly tending to the twins that I don’t give them enough attention. As much as I try to carve out one on one time I always feel like it’s never enough. Potty training will be the death of me so well done that you have J already using the potty like a big boy. I think you are doing an amazing job as a mama, granted I don’t see the behind the scenes, but I was just saying to Meg and Channing how well you seem to balance it all and I wanted lessons.

    • Oh mama, only Jesus. Life is rough, so many curve balls. I have many moments where I want to throw the towel in- MANY moments! But this morning the pastor preached on have your anchor tied to the anchor that is never changing, never failing. I notice I am always at my worst when I don’t have my quiet time. The moment I get some alone time and rest in Christ. When I lay my burdens, worries, and troubles at the cross is when I am renewed in strength, and can continue to fight the good fight!

  • Beautiful thoughts.. life is meaningful when we do things for the one we really care about. For our loved ones that means more to us than anything else in the world. We risk it all, we put them in front of everything, our life, all of it. The greatest job comes with beautiful challenges too 😉
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