Think before you speak.
We have all heard that motto before, we heard it from our mothers, our teachers, and even friends. But yet, why is it that we don’t apply it more often?
We live in a world where people feel the need to imply their thoughts and opinions about what others are wearing (or not wearing), what they look like, how someone’s hair is done, what others spend their money on, and the list can go on. We feel the need to insert our opinions about anything and everything, especially on social media. But why?
Social media has become a part of all of our lives, and I would bet to say that a lot of people use some sort of social media on a daily basis. But when did we forget to think before we speak? Or type?
My heart has been heavy on this topic. I keep seeing the same thing over and over again on social media, women tearing women apart.
“What is she wearing?”
“With all that money, that’s the dress she chooses?!”
“Must be nice to be rich”
“You need to fix your eyes”
“Must be nice to eat out a lot”
The first thought that comes to my mind is… why does any of that even matter? Why does it matter what someone does, what they spend their money on, and most importantly, why do we think that we need to offer our unsolicited opinion on how someone is living their life?
Social media in a way has allowed women to say whatever they want to say, to tear total strangers apart about things that are so… frivolous. Women tearing other women apart about their outer appearances and nitpicking on things that do not even matter.
We blame men, the media, and other people for treating us like objects, and we march for our rights, yet, here we are tearing each other apart.
Let’s change this. We need to do better, we need to BE better. For our daughters and our daughter’s daughters.
I can’t help but think would we same the same thing we type online to that person’s face? Would we have the courage to speak the things we type on social media? It’s easy to sit behind a screen, with a fake account and troll others.
Would we say the same things we do on social media to the girl in the mirror? To our daughters, sisters, or friends? Probably not…
What if, we spoke words that would lift and build each other up?
What if, instead of looking at what someone is wearing, we look at their heart?
What if, we stopped looking at who is doing what, and looked at can WE do?
What if, instead of hiding behind our troll accounts, we took the time to help someone who is hurting and in need?
What if, instead of criticizing what someone spends their money on, we look at our bank accounts and give more?
What if, we actually think before we speak?
It starts with you, and it starts with me. We can’t expect to be better if we can’t do better.
outfit details: top / shorts / shoes / bag / jewlery c/o Simong G.
Thank you so much for stopping by, have a great day!
Thank you for opening up and writing this! I truly believe we should build each other up rather than tear each other down. This is absolutely beautiful!
Excellent words! If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say it at all!
And I just have to say that I love your top! ??
Great post, Elly! I completely agree with your words: if you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything at all! 🙂 ❤️
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
I like your satchel bag very much, it’s such a timeless piece.
I also like the way you’ve styled this simple, laidback combo!
That is a great outfit. I hope you aren’t trolled often. Having a blog is an act of service. You are helping people like me have better style. Keep it up and ignore the haters!
This is SO good. And truly something, as a whole, woman need to be better about. We need to cheer each other on and celebrate the wins. I think jealousy and insecurities play a major role. If we can learn to love OURSELVES, we won’t feel the ugly tug to tear someone else down. I think woman tear others down to try and take the positive attention off of said person, and put it back on the one who said the rude remarks. Almost as if by tearing you down, it gives them the upper hand or the confidence boost. How sad is that!? We need to point out the positive things we see, we need to celebrate one another and actually compliment one another. And when we are on the other side, we need to remember that the people saying rude things- have their own insecurities and wounds that they are carrying. But we could all use a little more kindness and a little more encouragement!!
Very well written and said Elly!
I agree 1000% percent!
I agree women should be encouraging and supporting of others and part of that includes being considerate of other’s feelings.
I’m sorry, but you are literally in the business of broadcasting a highly edited version of your life to a following of mostly women. The culture that surrounds the fashion/lifestyle blogger world is one of self obsession, promotion and glorification.
Day by day you spends hours posting about “frivolous” things such as your makeup, clothes, hair, etc. You broadcast your date nights, girls’ trips, and family vacations for your mostly amorphous following to see and then can’t understand why strangers online are snarky and envious of your life. And I’m not speaking of you directly, because there are far more popular, prettier, richer, bloggers out there, but you are a fool if you cannot see the total hypocrisy of it all.
Average women go on IG and are flooded with images of other women living these fabulous lives. From the #mombodgoals, the #vacationgoals, etc followers are bombarded with unrealistic expectations of how their life should be. Anyone can see the negative affect this would have on a woman’s self esteem. Social media has created a severely toxic environment for girls of all ages. Instead of happily living their own life, they go online to see how their lives are adding up to others and are let feeling inadequate when it doesn’t stack up.
I just feel like as women and especially as Christian women, we should be more considerate of the feelings of other women.
I always think of this verse:
2 Timothy 3
3 But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.
I truly feel like now more than ever we are living in a self obsessed culture. Everyone wants their little corner of fame.
You wrote that everyone wants to express their opinions online. Well you have said yours, and this is mine.
Hey Ashley! First, I want to thank you for leaving your comment and your thoughts and opinion. But, and, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I feel like you did the same thing I just talked about. If you think the blogging world is so self-absorbed and glorified, then why follow?
And if you do follow me, I would hope to know that you know my heart and the kind of woman I am. Yes, I talk about outer beauty, but you will also find posts about me talking about real, and hard things I struggle with (have you seen my miscarriage posts?!). This space was created for me to encourage a mom that has not washed her hair in 5 days to wake up a little bit earlier, and to invest in herself. That she is more than just a mother, she is a wife and a friend, sister, etc.
This post wasn’t directed at all at any bloggers or my blog, period. It was just a general stand on online shame. What this post stemmed from was me seeing a lot of women tear down Meghan Markle’s wedding dress.
Also, I want to address a few comments;
I do not spend hours a day posting just about frivolous things. Ask some of the women I chat to, and I am praying with them, talking about motherhood and so much more. Now, I do agree with you that social media can be very toxic. But I want to encourage you not to judge me, or any blogger you see or follow based on what they post on social media.
Social media is only a fraction. Someone who has #mombodgoals- you have NO idea what they are eating, how much work they are putting into being healthy and working out. You have NO idea what someone’s finance is like, what they are spending their money on when they take that vacation. I can only speak for myself, but I am not doing anything out of the ordinary if I wasn’t a blogger.
I could care less if I had 90k or 100 followers. My goal has always been to encourage one mama. If I can reach just one girl, then I am good. Again, I do agree we do have to be compassionate and loving towards women of all ages, walks and especially younger girls. And I agree there does need to be a change, and I don’t claim to be perfect by any chance, but I do try my very best.
Thanks again Ashley, hope you have a great night!
Thanks for responding. I read your reply and watched your video and honestly I just think you will never get it.
You are too self absorbed to see yourself through anyone else’s view. The fact that you literally compare yourself to celebrities shows how out of touch you are.
The good news is, you will be totally irrelevant in a few years and then maybe you can focus on something more important.
Well, you kinda made it about me, so….?
I love your heart, Elly! I look forward to following along with you daily! I loved reading this! I couldn’t agree more – it breaks my heart when I see some of the nasty comments left by others online. It’s so simple to just take a moment before we speak and think “how would this make me feel?” Do unto others as you would have done unto you, right? Have a great night Elly! ❤️
thank you sweet girl!
Encourgaing post. Thank you Elly. 🙂