It’s taken me longer than I wanted to write this post. There are so many emotions going on in my heart, in my mind. I have been able to connect with hundreds of you, I’ve been able to hear your stories, to cry with you, and to pray with you all. So with all the emotions running high, I wanted to share what’s on my heart.
Faith vs. Fear.
Just two months after my 2nd miscarriage- we find out we are pregnant. We weren’t really trying… I mean, we had sex and if you’re not preventing then your trying, right?
You see, the thing is, I don’t think I’ve healed from the last miscarriage. I buried the feelings, the emotions deep down and avoided it. Having my first miscarriage back in 2016 was hard, very hard. Countless nights crying myself to sleep, and asking God why?! Yet, in the midst of it, there was a hope and a peace that I can’t quite explain.
But having a second miscarriage? Harder. Lies telling me that there is something wrong with my body, that I am not meant to have any more kids. Lies that I don’t deserve another baby.
As silly as this is, I didn’t think I would ever experience a miscarriage. Here I am having gone through two miscarriages. My thought was, oh I’m young and healthy, that doesn’t happen to young and healthy people like me.
1 in 4 women will experience a miscarriage. It doesn’t matter if you’re healthy, young, old, black, white, or what religion you believe in.
A few weeks ago, we found out we are expecting again. The emotions are all over the place; there’s joy, there’s fear, there’s sorrow all wrapped up in one.
A huge part of me even wants to tell myself that this isn’t true, that I am not pregnant, that in a week from now when we see the doctor, there will be nothing there- maybe it’s a way to safeguard my heart?
Then there is a small light of hope and faith. It believes and trusts that God knows what he is doing. That there is life in me, that if he did it before, he could do it again.
Faith vs. Fear
I don’t have the answers, nor do I know what is going to happen in a week from now, let alone tomorrow. BUT- I know I am pregnant today. All I have is today, all I have is now.
So I am choosing to celebrate the now, the life inside me now. And until next week, or until I give birth to this baby. I pray that God will have his way and that his promises will come to past not just for me, but for my children.
Also, to the mama that is hurting from going through a miscarriage, or not being able to conceive, know that you are not alone. Wherever you are at this moment, know that I am praying for you, for your family, for your heart. I hope that in this exact moment you can feel the peace of God, the peace that surpasses all understanding, and that you feel the warmth of his love for you!
SEE MORE OF OUR MISCARRIAGE STORY HERE: